It was the Summer of ’99
In my first summer as a teacher, the summer of 1999, I spent three weeks serving the youth of the former Soviet Union. The camp where I lived with the kids was once an indoctrination camp. I spent each day building relationships by playing games, telling stories, and thumb wrestling, so much thumb wrestling. The joy on the children’s faces was priceless, even if I never let them win. Those days were some of the most fun of my career.
It’s all about relationships
I learned so much about meeting the basic needs of kids through relationships, but in the mess hall, I learned the most powerful lesson. One day we sat to eat a traditional meal with our translator and the camp staff. You’re taught to eat whatever is put in front of you as a form of cultural sensitivity. However, I was not prepared for what happened next. We ate pasta stuffed with liver and covered with sour cream sauce.
“More” is a funny word
What I found myself unprepared to handle was the fact that I liked it. In fact, I liked it so much that I asked for more. That was my mistake. In a poverty-ravaged country steeped in communism, you don’t ask for more. The failures of their government to provide “enough,” makes the word seem indulgent. Only the wealthy and powerful had the luxury of “more.” I had offended them.
learn from your mistakes without internalizing shame
While I attempted to apologize and explain that in my family a request for more was a compliment. The host was gracious but the moment remained impactful. I felt shame and embarrassment for asking for more when others barely had enough.
More is a funny word. Depending on your family culture, your childhood experiences, and your situation you may feel like you can’t ask for “more.” You may feel shame even for desiring “more.” That mentality stays with us when it comes to life.
Life is found in the tension
There is an odd tension between contentment and ambition. A balance between gratitude and desire. It’s an interesting place to between where we are and where we would like to be.
Health is produced in the maintenance of tension. If we always accept our current situation, we would never change, learn, grow, strive or pursue. We need to develop the skill of experiencing peace no matter what we are going through. But, there is also something to be said for finding the edge, pushing the boundary, and trying to possess all that we are capable of.
What you are is God’s gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.
Hans Urs von Balthasar
Reflection
Here is the test. This is how you can shake off the mystery of your intentions. Ask yourself these questions when you have time to honestly reflect.
Are you seeking an expansion of some area of your life because of a void in another?
Do you hope that the possession of “more” will make you feel more valued, important, respected, etc?
Can you can say, “I am truly grateful for all I have, but there is something inside me that longs for more peace, joy, fulfillment, connection, and generosity…?”
Often it is the “what” we want that clarifies the “why” we want it.
So what is on your “more” list?
So what do you want more of in your life? What would you have to do to get it? What would life look like as you pursued more, attained more, and experienced more? Is that life of more and the path to achieving it sustainable, enjoyable, and fulfilling?